The apologist

I'm always creating new words, sometimes blindly using old ones. Some of the new words I create have already been created and abused by religious and political sects. I call myself an apologist because I apologize a lot. I apologize a lot because I feel sorry for everything I do and say even when I don't have to. But in some slang circles, an apologist is a member of a hypocritical political group. All The Apologists ever do is cover up everything they do wrong with apologies. Politicians are humble enough to say I'm sorry? First I heard of it. Such sects attribute very negative connotations to a soulful thing as an apology.

The mouth's apologist makes a career out of doing everything wrong and covering it up; the heart's apologist makes a career out of thinking she's doing everything wrong and actually feeling sorry for it. Language itself spreads stereotypes and negative connotations. A meek apology that's not afraid to think it's done wrong is turned into something with absolutely no integrity just by language itself. The true apologist hopes to renew the world's faith in the goodness and integrity of the apology.

The more the apologist apologizes, the more useless it makes her look. And those who lack confidence tend to apologize more than those with confidence. The apologist apologizes for things that the confident person would snicker at.

But will I just forgive myself? I promise to forgive myself only if I promise to do good, to care for children, to give to family, to work as hard as I can, to be sensitive to others no matter how annoying they are. But give myself a rest when I need it. And don't let others annoy me spirit or push me too far.

Never apologize out of insecurity. Make sure you have something real to apologize about because people will hear the apology, not the insecurity behind it. Stay strong and believe in the things you say and do. How are the things you say and do less meaningful than the things others say and do? Apologies have the capacity to not only make people feel sincere, but they also make people look worthless. And the more you apologize, the more worthless you look. It makes people believe that you did something wrong even if you just think you did something wrong. Therefore, you may not be worthless; you may just think that what you did and said was worthless.

Why?

Well, it's also quite possible that someone else said that what you did and said was worthless simply because they had a different point of view. And of course apologists believe others who believe they should apologize, totally not seeing the different point of view. And you can't have a different point of view. Gosh. That offends people.

Really though, you need not apologize for having a different point of view. You need not apologize for not believing in yourself enough to believe in your own point of view. Apologies are awkward little losers. They mean well, but they're often in the wrong place at the wrong time like reject angels in the devil's playground. They try to fight for the goodness of the soul. Apologies defend their integrities like wooden soldiers in a matchstick factory. It's nice to fight for the goodness of their souls but their vulnerability cuts them down and sets them on fire. Pride rarely apologizes; it believes in what it says. I never believe in anything I say; that's why I always apologize. I always fear sharing an opinion hurts another. And I fear hurting others. To hurt another's feelings hurts my feelings. I always apologize and it makes me look useless. So you can not apologize and look proud, or you can apologize and look useless. I prefer to look useless.

Elaine 06