About Gratitude...

Thank-you comes naturally to those who honestly appreciate what others do for them. It comes in big red and blue flowers towering over black and white cats. When others notice the goodness in you, you will notice the goodness of the world. You're-welcome comes in the two white trees against the red sky. The beauty of nature seems so much more obvious to those who have a heart filled with you’re-welcomes. Thank you comes in happy faces and self-assured actions, and just others living well as a result of what you've done.

Gratitude is each individual's responsibility. And every individual has their own way. Just knowing that you've done something good is gratitude enough. Thank yourself. Charity can't always expect the formality of gratitude in each of its speciously tactile forms. Gratitude knows that many times, like all of us, charity tries to do things for people without expecting anything in return but a smile. Just knowing that you've done something good and that good thing made someone smile is gratitude enough.

I've never taken responsibility for another's gratitude before. But recently someone asked me to do this and it just got me thinking - thinking so much I'm not sure if I should even write this yet. I'm not sure if I agree with myself. Yet I have to weigh all sides of the paradox. I have to find the truth about how I feel outside of my own superstitions and sensitivities. I've never taken responsibility for anyone's gratitude before. I feel it's my responsibility to express gratitude in my own life, not to coerce others to express gratitude my way.

Sometimes gratitude gets all caught up in its own emotions and the proper way to handle those emotions. It doesn't allow itself to feel responsible for, to question, or to change another's emotions. All gratitude can do is feel for others' feelings. But it doesn't own them. It can't tell them what to do. It doesn't belong to them to understand them. So to question them seems obvious and cruel in its obviousness. The way others laugh cry, give, take, say please, say thank you, make and unmake mistakes is up to them. And someone else's gratitude shouldn't question them because they do it differently.

People are the way they are and people feel in different ways. It's a little unfair to judge others because they don't say thank-you. But isn't a shower of hugs and smiles enough? Isn't their better life as a result enough? In my heart, I feel that thank-you shouldn't be a formality even though I, like many others, feel there's no clearer way for it to be superficially understood than to be spoken. But it shouldn't be something very specific that we tell others to do in a very specific way. Sometimes people can say the words "thank-you" and not even mean it. But if it comes out naturally in their physical and emotional responses and actions they definitely mean it. Thank-you is in the eyes and smiles and hugs of the thanker and that should be enough.

You cared enough about the piggy peeping out beneath the garden fence to do something nice for her; you threw her some grain. And overwhelmed with happiness at your good gesture she forgot to say thank-you. But she sure as hell didn't forget to show it. She gobbled it up with an approving  grunt and a blessed oink. This is more important anyway. It's not just greed, look how happy you made her. Telling piggy that the way she said thank-you was the wrong way seems self-defeating. It annuls the significance of the gratitude she chose to express in a non verbal way. Hence this makes you look ungrateful for her gratitude. It's a far-fetched example, but you know what I mean. Piggy could be the nephew down the street. You lent money to him. It could be the little disabled girl abandoned by her parents. You willingly spent several hours of your day with her. And you brought home a loaf of bread and a can of milk to mom for tea . It could even be her. They honestly appreciated what you did and that's all that matters. And the old man you take care of everyday; making his coffee, micro waving his mashed potatoes and turnip, helping him in and out of the shower. He never once said the pretty words "thank-you" but he repeatedly tells you how wonderful you are and how much all of the good things you do for him mean to him. And that means far more to you than any dry coerced "thank-you" could ever mean. It might even be you. When was the last time you said thank-you? Or when was the last time you meant it?

It's not just greed, the grateful express how they feel with enthusiasm and utility. If what you do for them makes them happy and they actually use it then that's the first step to gratitude. The truly grateful express how they truly feel in whatever way they want to. They express it without the interference of the new wave of employment counselors who are trained to teach people to say thank-you. But one shouldn't have to be taught how to do that a certain way. That comes from the heart in a way it seems most appropriate to the grateful.

I know life hands out a mess of such happy and unhappy feelings that it's hard to keep up sometimes. The lost art of saying thank-you becomes a prerogative if not a prerequisite. I help people all of the time and very rarely hear the words thank-you spoken. But I never really thought about it until the whole idea of asking others to say thank- you for things I've done was proposed to me. That sounds a lot more ungrateful than someone who forgets to say thank-you.but makes an obvious display of gratitude in their actions. I take gratitude for granted in the happiness of all of those I help. I value a thank-you of the heart with as much as or more passion than the thank-you of the mouth. I try to say thank-you. I try to mean thank-you. I try to show thank-you whenever I feel necessary; but I try not to judge anyone who leaves the mistaken greed of double-sided thank-you for the piggies.

The big world can be dark and cold and spiritless. It often causes many of its inhabitants to live in their own little worlds entangled in the contradictions of their own spirits. Big worlds are often governed by small hearts; little worlds are often governed by big attitudes. The sympathetic and bitter can change their own little worlds if not the big one if they're grateful for all of the things that hurt them. The power company exploits the need for warmth and comfort. But heaven bless those Power men who rescue pussy cats caught in rabbit traps. Child sickness seems so terrible - Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Leukemia. Thank merciless fate for stealing the bodies of young ones and freeing their souls. She leaves dead children drawing stick angels upon my sympathies with their memories. Early morning sucks. Another long day another 'lorn dollar. Thank the morning for the yellow and orange that seizes the sky reddening the tree that at first looks black to the eye. Shadows and colours and water. The entire world as we see it squeezed within the fingers of an antique iron stick fence.

It takes a strong spirit to see good in bad and to thank those who hurt it for all of the things that they have taught it, for strengthening the spirits. There's lots to learn from the miserable actions of others: patience, forgiveness, self-assurance. But most importantly, you learn to never do those things because if they hurt you, there's a good chance they might hurt others as well. This gives the abused an advantage over the abusers. You'll learn a soulful wisdom that they'll never begin to understand.

Turn negatives into positives, potential self-righteousness into righteousness instilled in others. If I feel others should take a specific moral stance I would hate to tell them so. It is essentially up to them. The best way to tell others what to do is to not tell them what to do. People have their own way of doing things. The best way to tell others what to do is to do things yourself and if another perceives those things as good and it inspires them then they may do it themselves. Set examples without trying to set examples. Be yourself. Show your true self. Inspire by spirit, not by mouth. The spirit is a much more reliable thing. Spirits cannot really tell others what to do; they can merely inspire.

Elaine 06