About Forgiveness...

I don't forgive myself for getting high and saying stupid things, for something I once said when I was on no-brain pills. I used to take them to combat nervousness when dealing with new people, or people I found intimidating. No brain pills make you not care about anything. And though that sounds tantalizing, it will cause problems, for many things in life we should care about. And I still haven't forgiven myself and continue to blame myself even though I was too out-of-it to be rational. Just that one time, one time, when I was utterly and totally stupid. Two tablets of Valium - taking dope so I can have the confidence to be cool. Imagine feeling uncool even when you're as old as I am. I don't even believe in cool anymore. I shouldn't have to strive to be it in order to be accepted.

Elaine 07